He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
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I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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