ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize