I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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