So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize