A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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