I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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