my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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