Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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