He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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