glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize