I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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