If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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