he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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