he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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