Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
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My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
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in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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