dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize