no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
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Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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