I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize