I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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