He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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