How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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