I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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