you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
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I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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