Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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