fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
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I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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