my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
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I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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