There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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