A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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