If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize