"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
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we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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