after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize