Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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