I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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