our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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