It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize