Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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