I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Never underestimate the power of titties
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize