how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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