This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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