yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize