i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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