So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
PANTIES FOUND
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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