Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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