I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
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I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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