i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
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Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
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It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize