You're my little dorito
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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