Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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