Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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