end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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