you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize